when.

When you're a kid, it's Halloween candy. You hide it from your parents and you eat it until you get sick. In college, it's the heavy combo of youth, tequila and well... you know. As a surgeon, you take as much of the good as you can get because it doesn't come around nearly as often as it should. Because good things aren't always what they seem. Too much of anything, even love, is not always a good thing.

How do you know when how much is too much? Too much too soon. Too much information. Too much fun. Too much love. Too much to ask... And when is it all just too much to bear?

I am a big Grey's Anatomy fan. I truly enjoy each episode because it seems like a running thought of Meredith's. Like she is just trying to figure out her life step by step. And it doesn't help that she has some beautiful actors beside her and an amazing soundtrack to back it up. This quotes above is from one of my favorite episodes. TO be perfectly honest, I felt like this kid last night. When you are young, your parents seem to patrol your candy intake to be sure you don't have too much and so you don't get sick. Well, being the adult that I am now, I had lots of candy last night on Halloween with no mommy to tell me to stop. Yeah, life got hard and candy is yummy so I will just east and eat and eat and it won't hurt me! wrong. I got so sick last night. I haven't had that much candy in SO long! I was so excited! I personally love dessert; I love all kinds of dessert. (I know I sound like a super fat kid right now, but I do not care.) I love ice cream, pie, cake, pastries, parfait, cookies, brownies, bars, Popsicles, and especially candy. So how can you have too much of something you love? I am still not sure, but I do know that it is possible...

The problem was not the fact that I had to much candy, but that I could not tell when I was full, when I was done, when enough was enough. I feel like my life has been that way lately. It is hard for me to navigate though all the craziness and find the truth. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between too much and not enough. How much really is too much?It is different for every person and about everything. And the worst part is that if it is possible to have to much candy, which is most definitely a good thing, the it must be possible to have too much of other great things. So what is my line? When is enough, enough? How will I know when to just say when, cut my losses, and get out?

I have an aunt who whenever she poured anything for you she would say 'Say when.' My aunt would say 'say when," and of course, we never did. We don't say when because there's something about the possibility, of more. More tequila, more love. More anything. More is better.

There's something to be said about a glass half full, about knowing when to say when. I think it's more of a floating line, a barometer of need. Of desire. It's entirely up to the individual, and it depends what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times there's no such thing as enough, the glass is bottomless... all we want is more.

More is just not always better. I had more candy and trust me, it was not better. But I almost had to have a lot to know that a little was sufficient. Man, do I wish I could just got back in time and eat less candy, mess around less in high school, misbehave less in middle school. The list could go on and on of things that I would do differently. But if I did those things differently then, would I know differently now? Would I have had the same experiences and learned the same things without those 'mistakes' I once made? Somehow I don't think so.

Too much candy, not enough salad. Too much soda, not enough water. Too much messing around, not enough studying. Too much work, not enough play. Too much worrying, not enough sleep. Too much TV, not enough reading. Too many lists, not enough spontaneity. Too much anger, not enough compassion. Too much regret, not enough joy. That is my life, and as much as I might hate it, it is what it is. It is not that I do not work to change it, but it always seems to go back to those.

I want more. I have this natural tendency to be restless and therefore it is easy for me to always want more. To go beyond and see what could be if I just didn't say when. But there is something to be said for knowing when to just say when. For knowing when enough is enough and when you are just done. I might have figured it out when it comes to my work life, but I am still working on the candy...