Me, the crybaby

There comes a time when every bird has to fly
At some point every rose has to die
It’s hard to let your children go
Leave home
Where they go?
Who knows!
Getting drunk
Getting stoned
All alone
Teach a man to fish
You’ll feed him never lie
You show your kids the truth
Hope they never lie
Instead of reading in a letter that they’ve gone to something better
“Bet your sorry now! I won’t be coming home tonight”

I’m sick of looking for those heroes in the sky
To teach us how to fly
Together we cry!
Together we cry


I went to a concert a week ago and "The Script" performed. This is a song by them entitled, We Cry. They had a great performance with lots of soul and movement. this song in particular was moving because I felt like I could feel their pain when they sang it. They wrote this song out of the depths of their hearts and it even had a jazzy flair to pair nicely with the lyrics. But the message rang true to me, together we cry. There was this wave of solidarity that came over the whole place. The room was filled with random people:older women, teen girls, American Idol fans, overprotective fathers, fun loving guys. Those people were very different, and yet when the mics were turned off and we all sang together, it was one clear sound. I couldn't hear one voice over another and somehow it sounded beautiful.

People are so different. The older I become, the more I try to not jusge people. Each person has their own background, their own reasons for doing what they do, their own experiences that made them who they are. So whenever I get upset with a person or frustrated with a decision I have to remind myself that I do not fully know a person, therefore I cannot fully comprehend why they do the things they do. Yet, for as many differences as people have, we have just as many similarities. We all hurt sometimes. We all have pain and suffer.

For me, I am too stubborn most of the time to accept help. If I am suffering, I just put on a fake smile and never let anyone in. However, I love helping other people through problems, situations, and trials. It is just in my blood to help people thorugh hard times because I have been through so many hard times myself. When I think about all the people and times I ahve been there for others, I am reminded of the goodness that I fele inside for helping them. So then isn't it selfish of me to deny other people to help me? When you let other people in, it isn't that you are admitting your faults and weaknesses, but rather you are accepting your humanity.

We are not alone. We have other people around us for a reason. I truly believe that God works through our friends to help us see things that we cannot. So we can avoid those silly 'blindspots' we are all afraid of. Life is hard. But by keeping up walls that we ourselves put up, is only harming us personally.

This has been one of my stumbling blocks, but I am only hurting myself. I think that crying in front of people makes me look weak and pathetic, so very rarely will anyone see me cry. It took months before my own boyfriend even saw me cry! Well, after almost two years of devoted service to my church, I annouced my leaving last Sunday. I had rehearsed a nice going away speech of a few sentences to say in front of the whole congregation to be sure that I said what needed to be said. I would usually say that I am a very collected person who does not wear her heart on her sleeve. And yet, the second I stood up I began to get choked up. By the end of my speech, my face was red, my cheeks were wet, and my voice was rattling. I was full on sobbing when I sat down. And no matter how much I wanted to act like I was fine and had it all together... I didn't. And so I just had to cry it out there in the pew, with my mom and boy, and pull it together for children's church. For once in my life, I didn't have it all together, and people responded to that. Some people felt closer to me than ever before. And for the first time there, I felt real; like my true self was finally shining through.

Because everyone mourns, everyone moves on, everyone hurts, and everyone cries. But our strength is found in company, and together we cry. Sometimes it is not about looking above and finding the reason, but about looking around you and taking comfort in the mystery of life. Life seems to kick you when you're down sometimes, but each day I will wake up and fight for hope.